Ultraviolet
by themarchgirl
Summary: Cold when I am denied it, your light is ultraviolet. When Sam goes missing, Carly needs Freddie more than ever.


**A/N:** This came into my head the other day. Hope you like it.

It's their senior year when they make a mutual decision to end iCarly. It feels like the end of an era to them, when they say their final goodbyes to the viewers. Carly nearly cries when Freddie murmurs 'We're clear,' for the last time, and Sam grimaces as he puts his camera to rest on its stand next to his laptop.

'Well,' Carly says. 'That's it, I guess.'

'Yeah.' Freddie agrees, coming over to them. 'I'll miss it a lot.'

Sam shrugs and mumbles something about getting a snack. She darts out of the room in about half a second, but Freddie notices the wetness on her cheek.

Carly unexpectedly gives him one of her hugs then. The only time she'd ever done that was when she'd acted weird at Christmas three years ago, when she'd cried 'It's all back!' and nearly knocked him over. Freddie pats her back awkwardly and allows himself to finger a strand of her hair. It makes him feel weird when she nestles her head between his shoulder and his head, like he's about to jump off something higher than he's comfortable with, and like he's falling into a warm abyss.

He hasn't mentioned how he feels about her for _years_. He'd never given up, he'd just thought that if he didn't pressure her so much she might seriously consider him as a boyfriend.

That didn't work, Freddie thinks to himself. She'll never see me as more than a friend.

The next two weeks pass very quickly, and somehow Carly finds herself at Groovy Smoothies with a boy named Dean from her year. Dean is very good-looking, but she finds he is touching her too much in all the wrong ways. He touches her hips quite a lot, and his fingertips brush the sides of her breasts once or twice, and he _stares_. She's seventeen, and she supposes she should start thinking about_ that_, but to be honest she'd never given it much thought.

She knows where babies come from. She knows what grown-ups get up to behind closed bedroom doors. But she couldn't see herself doing _it_ with anyone.

So when Dean kisses her goodbye, she concentrates on not letting his tongue into her mouth and keeping his hands no further up than her waist. When he pulls away and smirks at her, she smiles angelically back, but doesn't know what to say.

'Bye, baby. See you soon.' Dean blows her a kiss and she waves, but as soon as he disappears her expression drops into a neutral, vacant look.

Spencer is surprised to see her back so early (it's only seven pm, and she's been out till one in the morning on a number of occasions) and asks her how her date was. She shrugs.

'He was nice,' she replies. 'I'll call him tomorrow.'

Spencer nods and goes back to his monthly issue of Art! magazine. Carly makes dinner and Freddie arrives then, because his mother is preparing yogurt tortillas and he _hates_ yogurt tortillas. Carly subconsciously decides to make spaghetti and meatballs that night.

It's Freddie's favourite.

He grins the whole evening.

Carly notices that Sam is not there, and calls her, only to reach Sam's answer phone. It is a threatening message that says 'it'd better be good, cause you're wasting my time!' Carly smiles faintly at that, and after the beep she asks Sam where she is, and could she call Carly back.

The phone never rings.

Freddie asks his mom if he can sleep over, and she agrees, but only if he promises to use his_ special ointment_ at bedtime, which must be no later than ten pm. Carly assures Mrs Benson of that, and shuts the door. Freddie breathes a sigh of relief and Carly laughs.

'Hey, do you wanna watch our iCarly videos?' Freddie asks, after they've skimmed through channels on the TV for half an hour.

Carly looks at him for a moment, and nods. She scoots over to him, and he opens his laptop, trying not to concentrate on the fact that her head is resting on his shoulder. It is very distracting.

They watch _every_ video they've ever made. They go through every Messin' With Lewbert, every Wake Up Spencer, and they watch all the random videos their viewers sent in over the years.

It's two in the morning when they finally fall asleep. Carly has somehow snuggled herself into Freddie's chest, and both his arms are round her. The laptop is forgotten on the floor, and the bowl of popcorn has fallen over and there is a mess on the carpet.

The phone does ring at eight am the next morning. Carly jolts awake when it blares a shrill cry to the apartment, and she leans over Freddie to the table next to the couch.

'Hello?'

'Carly? Is that you, sweetie?'

'Oh, hi, Mrs Puckett,' Carly yawns and wonders why Sam's mom is calling her. 'Did Sam leave something here?' She rests her head on Freddie's chest and plays with the top button of his shirt.

'Erm, no, sweetheart,' Mrs Puckett sounds kind of worried. 'I was wondering if Sam slept over at your house, dear.'

Carly sits up in a very sudden movement. 'I thought she went home before I went on my date yesterday,' she replies. 'I tried to call her last night but I got through to answer phone.'

'Oh, God, I don't know where she is, baby. She never came home last night.'

'Right,' Carly tries not to listen to the whine of panic in her head. 'She can't have gone that far. Sam _hates_ walking.' She elbows Freddie gently and he stirs, but goes back to sleep. She exhales in a huff and elbows him really hard in the ribs. He wakes up with a yelp and scowls at her.

'What was that for?' he whispers.

'Shh,' Carly says. 'Sorry, Mrs Puckett, I had to get Freddie up.'

Sam's mom laughs once. 'Elbow in the ribs?'

'Right in one.'

Carly puts her head back on Freddie's shoulder and he stops scowling. 'Why are you talking to Sam's mom?' he breathes.

'Sam didn't go home last night,' Carly fills him in quickly. 'She hasn't called her mom and she won't answer her phone.' Freddie's eyes widen and he tightens his hold on her.

'Uh, maybe you should call the cops,' Carly suggests to Mrs Puckett. 'Get a search party out looking for her.'

'I was going to do that anyway, dear.' Sam's mom sighs. 'She's been arrested five times; they should be able to recognise her.'

'OK,' Carly reaches for her address book. 'You call 911 and I'll get Spencer.'

'Thank you, sweetheart.'

'Bye.' Click. The phone dies.

'Spencer!' Carly yells. 'Get up!'

'I am _in the shower!_' is her brother's reply. 'Give me five minutes.'

Carly groans and Freddie hugs her really, really tight.

Spencer is out in seven minutes and thirty-two seconds. Carly rolls her eyes when he sprints out of his room with wet hair and his t-shirt on the wrong way. She is still tucked under Freddie's arm; normally she would have flicked his head or something by now but she needs him.

'What's going on?' Spencer asks, putting his t-shirt on the right way.

'Sam didn't go home last night and she won't pick up the phone.' Carly explains, pushing Freddie's arm away, but keeping his hand. 'Her mom called at eight and asked if Sam was here, and I told her she wasn't, and then her mom told me she doesn't know where Sam is, and so she's calling the police now and we all need to go find her.'

'OK.' Spencer takes a couple of seconds to take this all in. 'But I need food first.'

'Spencer! We can get food somewhere else!' Carly yells. 'We need to find Sam.'

'OK, OK!' Spencer puts his hands up as if she is a cop and he a criminal. 'Let's go.'

The drive to the police station is tense. Carly clutches at Freddie's shirt in an attempt to calm herself down, but the only time this has ever happened before Sam got beaten up and was in hospital for two weeks. The traffic is_ crap_ that day and Carly does cry, staining Freddie's shirt and making it crumpled from her frantic grasping. Freddie keeps his arms tight around her, rubbing her back in circular motions. He doesn't say anything.

Sam's mom is already there when they finally pull into the car park, standing next to her rusty pick-up truck in flip-flops, shorts and a tank top. She is wearing massive sunglasses, and her hair is a white-blonde. As they walk towards her Carly lets Freddie put his arm around her waist and tug her forward.

'Thanks so much for coming,' Mrs Puckett gushes. 'So nice of you.'

Spencer is eyeing her as he says 'I always look out for Carly's friends.'

'Oh, you must be Freddie,' Sam's mom sashays forward and smiles up at Freddie's six foot two. 'I haven't seen you in years.'

'Uh, yeah, nice to see you again.' Freddie mumbles, bashfully running a hand through his hair. He isn't used to female attention, and anyway he only wants it from one girl. Said girl looks at him, and he catches her eye, smiling wryly. She notices his arm is slightly possessive.

And for once she doesn't mind.

The police station has no records of a blonde, violent, obnoxious seventeen-year-old arriving there the night before. They do send out a search party though, and within five hours the walkie-talkie in Carly's hand crackles and a rough voice speaks.

'Come in Shays, come in Puckett, subject found at Ridgeway Hospital, Seattle, Washington.'

'Oh my God,' Carly breathes. She looks at Freddie, her eyes wide and frantic. 'She got hurt, she got hurt again, oh _God._'

Freddie squeezes her hand. 'We don't know how badly she's hurt.' he murmurs, brushing her hair back behind her shoulder. 'She might just have some cuts and bruises.'

Carly takes one small, gasping breath and buries her face in his chest. Spencer takes the walkie-talkie out of her hand.

'Come in Search Party. State condition of subject. Over.'

There is silence in which Carly's muffled sobs and Freddie's comforting whispers are the only things that Spencer hears. And then:

'Subject is in morgue. Car accident. Killed instantly. Over.'

Freddie moves Carly into his lap and nestles his nose into her hair. Spencer drops the walkie-talkie.

'We're so sorry.' the voice states, sighing. 'Our deepest condolences.'

Carly notices through her own desperate, distraught weeping, that her hair is wet.

'I'm gonna go to see Sam's mom.' Spencer says quietly. 'Will you two be OK without me?'

Freddie lifts his face from Carly's hair and nods once. Spencer grabs his keys and his jacket and leaves.

Later, when both of them have stopped crying, Freddie kisses her on the cheek. Just once. Carly wraps her arms around his neck and tries to go to sleep.

When the dawn breaks through the windows, Freddie blinks and squints at the beautiful light that invades the loft. He checks his watch – it's five-thirty in the morning, but he's not tired. He looks at the sleeping girl in his arms and thinks that she must be tired from all that crying yesterday. He tentatively touches her cheek with his fingers and to his delight she leans into his palm. He lets go of her face and reaches behind him to unlock one of her arms from around her neck. He places her hand over his heart and tries to tell her unconscious form that the beating she feels is _all for her_.

'Do you want to know a secret?' he mouths in her ear, his head lowering to her shoulder. She mumbles something in her sleep and nestles in his arms. He grins at how adorable she is and kisses her collarbone.

'I love you,' he mouths. 'I always have and I always will.'

And then she kisses him.

One second, he is quite happily seducing her while she is apparently asleep, the next, he's being attacked.

He quickly loses all sense of where and who he is, and gives himself over completely to her urgent mouth on his and her hands that are all of a sudden fiddling with his collar. He moves his mouth to her ear and she groans, having a lot of trouble with the button.

'Darn thing,' she mutters. 'Won't – ahh!'

Freddie scoops her up into his arms and carries her up the stairs to the iCarly studio. He ignores her protests and yells of 'put me down!' and distracts her with kisses to her neck, ear, and mouth.

'Are you sure you want to do this?' he asks her, as he places her down on a beanbag and puts his hands either side of her head.

'Hell yeah,' she whispers, bringing his head down to hers. 'I want you _right now_.'

Freddie groans as she kisses him again, and he is lost.

Afterwards, when they are pulling their clothes on quickly, Freddie watches Carly. She looks more mature now, older, and he doesn't regret what they did.

As she tugs a brush through her hair, he comes over to her and puts his arms around her waist. She giggles and wriggles away from him.

'It's hard to brush your hair when you're being hugged,' she says. When she sets her brush down again she's in his arms almost simultaneously.

'You OK?' he asks her, his nose trailing down her neck.

'Mmm. Well, not really.' She leans against him.

'Did I hurt you?' he whispers.

'Just a little. It was nice though.'

'Nice?'

'That's the wrong word.' Carly admits. 'It was wonderful.'

Freddie smiles his trademark thousand-watt grin. Carly nestles her head into his shoulder.

'So, do you love me now?' Freddie asks her as they go back downstairs. Carly stops and looks at him.

Yes, she thinks. Yes, I suppose I do.

'Yeah.' She knows a hug is coming, but she doesn't expect him to lift her off the ground.

'How strong are you?' she asks breathlessly when he puts her down.

'Happiness makes me strong.' He frowns at her. 'Besides, you're really light. Did you eat anything yesterday?'

Carly suddenly finds her shoes very interesting. She hears Freddie sigh, and he leads her to the kitchen table.

'Stay there.' He says sternly.

'Yessir.' She replies weakly, giving him a salute. He rolls his eyes and comes back with a bowl of her favourite cereal, and a Peppy Cola. Carly laughs at the soda, and gives him a quick kiss.

Somewhere, somehow, she is healing.

Sam's funeral is on a sunny day. Carly and Freddie place their cards on her coffin, and just before they put the earth back over her, they put a ham on top too. Spencer smiles wanly at this act, and Mrs Puckett hugs them both with one arm. She is clutching at Spencer's hand.

When they say their final goodbyes, Carly sings Sam's favourite song – Ultraviolet, by the Stiff Dylans. Just the chorus, mind, not the whole song.

_This fire, you ignite it.  
Good, bad and undecided.  
Burns when I stand beside it,  
Your light is ultraviolet.  
Visions, so insane,  
Travel unravelling through my brain.  
Cold when I am denied it,  
Your light is ultraviolet, ultraviolet._

**A/N:** Finished! This is the longest oneshot I've ever written. Go me! Tell me what you think.


End file.
